Mostly what I struggled with when I was sitting there surrounded by all of the MDA literature was feeling conflicted and confused. I was flooded at times with feelings that seem petulant now when I was looking at the pictures of children at the MDA summer camps. I felt bitter for never having a community of people that I could relate to that way when I was a child. Having been undiagnosed my whole childhood meant that I could never be involved with summer camps without my family around because I couldn't take care of myself independently, but could never be involved in special needs summer camps or other such events because I didn't have a label put on my disability that most of those organizations required. Frequently I was the only person in a wheelchair at any school I ever went to. That was, at times, an extremely lonely place to be. What I felt growing up at most times was completely invisible. Like I was just a consciousness floating around that nobody ever knew was there.

Another thing that I struggled with was that they mentioned the telethon on literally every piece of literature on the table. I know that the telethon makes the MDA an enormous amount of money that they actually do very good things with, so I am not surprised that to them it is a very good thing. But the damage done by how people with disabilities are portrayed on the telethon is something that I have experienced myself. Depending on people pitying people with disabilities in order to raise money is very sad. I know that it works and that it does good things in the end, but the damage it does to public perception of our community is horrific. Seeing that mentioned on every piece of literature was a slight slap in the face every time. That is something that I will need to come to terms with if I intend to attend further events, which I likely will. I will likely not bring up my feelings to others there unless the topic is already brought up or if I am asked directly, but it is something that I have to keep in mind.